I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
