Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
