I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
