I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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