GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
