I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
