In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
