Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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