Pappa wants mamma naked
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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