Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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