I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
