If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
