i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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