i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
