TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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