walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
