I think I am morally bankrupt
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
