I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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