Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
