Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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