I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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