My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
