He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
