Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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