I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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