Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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