Can i not drive my cunt home
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
