How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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