i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
