I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
