the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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