i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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