I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
