so explain again why im purple
no
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
