once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
