Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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