2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
