I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
