her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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