I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
