in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
