dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
