i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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