i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
