When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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