I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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