Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
