was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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