I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
