I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
