i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
