I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
