What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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