I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Im part way to drunk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
