Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
