Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
40s are totally the cure
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
