Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
