at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
