Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
